Mensdivorcetips

#1 The first thing you must do is show up in court. Dude! If you don't show up she wins everything she wants by default. You'd be surprised how many men don't show up to court and leave it to there lawyer to handle it for them. So who do you think will have the upper hand when the gavel swings.

#2 Don't get into a he said she said back and forth. Do all your talking thru your lawyer

#3 Now me personally would prefer a female lawyer, and the nicer she looks the better, and I will tell you why. They say that the best car salesmen are women, especially good looking women. A good looking woman can sell ice to an Eskimo, and when you are in the court room the side that often wins is who can sale their point of view the best. The only thing that trumps this is if the lawyer has a reputation as being good and hardly ever loose a case. In this instance smart beats beauty hands down. The perfect would be a lawyer who is nice to look at and even better in the courtroom. Choice wisely.

#4 No bumming allowed. Don't go into looking the bummed out roll already. I know some men who actually think that if they go to court looking the part that the judge will have sympathy on them. Nope! Judges are only interested in the facts. You don't have to have on shirt and tie, but look decent, also make sure you are well groomed.

So there you have it. Just some quick tips on some of the simple commons sense things that some men don't consider. A little common sense can and will go along way.

a lot of men probably made this mistake in the past when it comes to child support and alimony. I lived in Texas back in 1996 at which time I moved back to my home state of North Carolina. I just got out the military at the time, and have been Divorced for a few months. Like many individuals who are Divorced and move away from the area that they divorced their former spouses it takes time to find work in a new area, so needless to say I had got behind in my child support payments. The law does allow for a grace period to get back upon your feet. Well, in some states anyway. My court ordered support payments where $417.00 per-month.

It took me about 3 good months to find a decent job that I could support myself, and also pay those high (for the time) support payments. I only had 1 child by the way. So I resumed the payments at which time I started working. About 2 months later I received a call from the human resources manager at my employment and was told to come in to see her upon getting to work that day. I went in and she told me that we just got new paper work from the state of Texas and your child support was going up. I elected to have my support payments come straight from my paycheck each time I got payed. For me it was better this way. My way of thinking is if I don't see the money to start with then it won't hurt as much. In amazement I was like WOW! I only been working here about 3 months, have not gotten a raise, and I'm already having to pay more. I ask her what was it going to be now? She says $585.00 per month! What! And that's not counting the health insurance that I have to keep on him each month which was costing me another $150.00 because he was what they called “Out of network.”

Well, There is a lot more to this story, and I will finish it in part 2. Stay tuned for that..It gets even wilder. Look guys out in divorce land who wanted to do the right thing like myself ie..Take care of their child and provide a better life for them even though you are absent from their everyday life. Take my story and learn something. Look for the other half of this article soon.

OK, I'm thinking I have the worlds #1 bitch for a former wife. She knows good and damn well I cannot afford that. I asked Sharon the HR director when does this take effect, and she says the end of the month. In my head I'm like OK what bills do I have and how will this effect them?. Which of course is no ones problem but mines. Well she gave me the official papers and I left the office. Damn. $585.00 or over $7,000 a year for one child in 1996 for a temp job was a lot of money dude. Over $2,000 more a year from what I was paying. What is going on for real I thought. Well mistake one I made was that I didn't immediately look at what those papers said.

I figured it was no use to call the ole battle-ax and ask her what the deal was, we just didn't see eye to eye like that. Jail was not an option for me. A lot of men would have hit the road and said the hell with it and played catch me if you can. Not me, I loved my freedom way to much, Or some men would just be like well? For that kinda price I'll be a real dead beat for however long and won't get or look for a job and become a bum on the street. That was no option, I wanted things outta life, And you cannot get anything sitting on your ass! I was raised ole school. Being a sorry ass man was totally outta the question. So? What did I end up doing? Getting a second part time job like any other rational person would do. It was hard, and time consuming but I did what I had to do. Well over time, and the following years like a lot of men I got the shaft from the ex when it came to issues as far as visitation, gifts as far as being made the asshole because I could not afford all the things that according to her he wanted, but I never heard these things from his mouth. You guys who where real fathers from long distance know what I mean. The expensive PlayStation, box, cloths, computers, etc.. you know what I mean, And being told that you are a dead beat dad if you “Don't get that for your child” you know what I'm saying. Well, it gets even better, or worse than all this if you can believe it. And I hate cutting it short, but I gotta run..look for part 3 to this in a couple days. You all are gonna say “DUDE! You where a dumb ass!” Hey! If it keeps one of use from becoming a new dumb ass! I will wear the crown. Lets just say us men need to learn from one another and stick together.

Ok, as I said before, and leaving off from the second part of this extremely long article, but first some are whoever is taking the time to read this let me explain why this story is 3 articles long. I do have a life, and I don't sit around typing the first think that comes to mind all day like some people seem to have time to do. And for me its a good way to get my article count up. I feel as long as I'm speaking from experience then it always better than typing about something that I don't have any true knowledge of and trying to rehash something that I just heard or read. What I'm telling is true 100% fact, and its always a way better story. Well, it also keeps interested individuals coming back.

Where was I?. I well I did the best I could over the years, and like most men who live some distance from their child you will have problems over time. I live over 1500 miles away from my child and you better believe that that issue was hung over my head quit often by my ex. All the time I would get the Well, you are not the one there when he needs this or he needs that. You are not the one who takes him to his football or basketball games, the one who supports him when he is needs it, or the one who helps him in anything, so therefore you are a dead beat even though you struggle to give me $585.00 and provide for his health care every month. Does any of this sound familiar guys? Oh! It gets better. You have not even heard the half yet. I'm just getting warmed up. SO! Like most dads who give a damn take some of these things to heart, perhaps I should call or try to do more on the emotional level. Don't get me wrong. I do, or did call and talk to my child as often as she would allow me to. And I will tell you what I mean. Fellas have you every had that feeling of having to go thru the “Gate Keeper” feeling when you try and talk to your child? You know what I mean. You call and you get that! What do you want kinda response. And all you wanna do is say hi to your kid, tell them you love them, and wanna know whats going on in their life, but you go to get past “her, the ex, the battle ax, the shall I dare say the bitch” first!. So you gotta just sit there as she grabs you by the freaking balls and squeeze til your last nerve so she can make you just mad enough to wanna hang up the phone..You know what I mean, you been there, or if you have not take heed its probably coming.

Its almost like a Damn! If you do, Damn! If you don't situation. Ever year while being 1500 miles apart it was always he can't come visit this holiday, or that holiday, he's too busy doing band camp, or track during the summer for him to come for a couple weeks. Always something. Then to add insult to injury IF! He came you must be living by yourself, with no one or anything. In other words I have to approve of your living arrangements in order to see your own child. To a certain degree I can relate to that, but if I am not living dangerously, or irresponsibly I can not under stand where this would be coming from.

Well, as I've said before this gets even more interesting as I go on, you gotta come back to here more of this story.

Well, let me pick this thing, or lesson learned up a little bit., Well, after years and months of getting the run around from the gate keeper I thought to myself well if I can't get her to let him come up to spend time with me, then the only option is to go down to Texas and spend a few days with him. So I presented this idea to the ex and thought that this was a reasonable presentation. He don't need to leave home, do no traveling known of that.

Now, my ex and my parents still stayed moderately close over the years, and she for some reason always would call and talk to my mom very often. I always thought there was an less than since motive behind that, and I will explain why a little later on. But to make a long story short she invited my parents down to Texas for a visit. My Mom was like Well, I have not seen my grandson for along time now, and besides its vacation time any way and took her up on the offer. This was in the month of June and it all worked out. My ex rolled out the red carpet for them and my parents really enjoyed themselves for about a 5 day visit. Well, I thought to myself if it went that well, then perhaps I may get a chance to see my son.

I called and asked the ex well, since its mid June how are things for the rest of the summer as far as his schedule to come down and spend some quality time with my son. Well, what a dumb ass I was to even think that this woman would make anything easy. To let her tell it my son's time was booked all the way until late August at which time school in Texas resumes. I asked myself how can a 13 year old child have their schedule planned to the T every weekend for and entire summer. Besides that what can be so much more important than to spend one weekend with your father?

Well, I was able to get her (ex) to semi-commit to the last weekend in August of that year. OK, cool..That was about 2 months away, and plenty of time for me. I was going to drive down, and not catch a flight because with her you never know if things will change at the last moment, and driving gives me flexibility dealing with this woman. This as I said earlier was the month of June. Now would you believe by the time the 4^th of July arrived she told my mom that since I did not call and “confirm” that I was still coming said weekend in August that she had made plans to be outta town for a wedding. And was taking my son with her. WOW! That's all I could say. Needless to say I was mad as HELL!

I called her to ask what is this about not calling to confirm? I just told you 2 weeks ago that I was coming. Well, I am not sure we will be here that weekend, I'm going to Louisiana for a wedding, besides you did not call back to say you where differently coming..A Duh!! we just talked about this 2 weeks ago..What do you mean confirm, am I suppose to give you a credit card to hold reservation for seeing my own son? What the hell? Isn't $585.00 a month confirmation enough?.Well, you know where all that lead to.

Well, I told my mom what was going on, and she could not believe it either what was going on. Not the ex acting like this and she just rolled the red carpet out for us. Like I mentioned before I think the ex's motive for staying close with my mom, her ex in-laws was calculated to make it seems that she was “SO SWEET” therefore it must be you that has the problems. Some of you guys may now what I'm talking about. Yep! There are ex's that are just like that. Treat your family like gold, but you like crap. That way you can't say nothing bad about them to anyone cause all they know about them is from there own personal experiences. Some ex's are really professionals.

Picking up again with the story, I told my mom about the situation, and for the first time I think my parents especially my mom was beginning to see, and believe some of the things that I already been have known. Well, my mom suggested something that would forever change and bring to light this whole deception.

She told me son, If I where you I'd go to Texas anyway, and call her bluff. I thought about it for a moment and I said you know what, that's not such a bad idea. I said OK, that's exactly what I will do. For years she has perhaps been telling things to my son like “your dad don't love you, that's why he never comes” I told a co-worker of mines who was having ex-wife problems off and on and he gave me a GREAT! Piece of advice. Guys if you have been following along with this story and you are in some similar circumstances sit up in your chair and absorb what I'm about to tell you know in. If you go there unexpected take the police with you. I said huh? He said dude take the police with you.

He went on to tell me of a friend of his that whose ex-wife lived in Mississippi. He lived in New Jersey and had a very similar situation as mines. Paying his child support, and getting the run around on seeing his daughter. He said the heck with this and went on down anyway. Got there, knocked on the door, rung the door bell, no answer. Got back in the car and waited for awhile thinking that they would be back soon. Low and behold he looks in the rear view mirror while sitting there and the police drives up behind him. He was arrested on the spot for trespassing. He tried to explain the situation but the ex had called and said that a strange man was beating on her door trying to get in, of course with him having out of town tags on his car, and no divorce degree on him stating anything he was taken off the premisses.

So, I thought would my ex pull this? Ah! Yes! So I went one better. Here's another Men's divorce tip I got from another friend. Call you a lawyer in the area in advance. So I got on the phone with a couple of lawyers in the area and they told me that when I get there before I go over to her house go by the police station, and most important bring your divorce decree.

Well, its August and its road trip time. A 22 hour drive. I love to drive and love the open road. Besides, I'm an ex-military man, and if you spent any real time in the military you've done some traveling.

Stay tuned for more, this story will help a lot of you guys. Don't be like me, and be the sucker. You know they say we are a dime a dozen. LoL

Well, picking up where I left off. If you missed any part of this story I advise you to to back and read those articles to get up to date.

Well, I got into town in Texas around 6am that evening on a Friday. I said to myself I will not try and make contact that evening. I figured I would just wait and have a full day on Saturday to spend with the son, if I can get lucky. I went to see some friends that I have not seen in years, figured I'd get those visits out of the way.

The next morning at 6am I got up and instead of going to the police station I thought I would ride by the house without stopping just to see if I would see signs of live. If she was going to Louisiana then she would have left already, at least I assume. It was around 7:am by this time. If someone was in the yard I was not to worried since she had no idea what kind of auto I had. As I drove by I noticed the garage door was half way up. SO! I thought, someone is home after all..So much for Louisiana.

I then drove straight to the police station with divorce decree in hand. Got inside and went to the desk Sgt. Pulled out my drivers license, government ID, and divorce decree to prove who I am. I told him my story, and how far away from which I came. He looked at me and said, Man! I got to give it to you. You've just made one smart decision by coming here first. You'd be surprised how many men come with good intentions on seeing there child, but it end up going bad. And we have to respond on behalf if nothing else but for the welfare of the child.

He asked me if I had a cell phone on me, and I told him yes. He said OK, this is what we will do. Take this card with the number to the desk here on it. Go about 2 blocks away from the residence, and call the number. Get the street name you are on and when you call me I will send a unit over to escort you to the residence. I said OK, got all my paperwork, and went about 2 blocks away and called the desk Sgt back. I sat there about 5 minutes and not one, but two police cars pulled up. One with a female officer, and a male in the other. I got out to greet them, and they looked over my paperwork again go satisfy their curiosity. The female officer told me to follow her, and the other officer would follow me. When we reach the street of the residence you park to houses down, also when we get to the premises you proceed to knock the door or ring the door bell. We will stand off to the side of the house by the garage.

Well, I thought to myself here is the the big moment, the moment of confrontation.

Come back for the shocking out come.

Now I rung the door bell, and no answer, I rung it longer the second time, and again no answer again. I looked over at the police officers, and they looked just as puzzled as me. I said to myself one more try and rung for a 3^rd time. No answer. At this time I was waved over to give it up by the police officers and thought well, maybe she did leave, because when we arrived the garage door was all the way down. I got to the edge of the house where they were standing and the male police officer asked me how long was I gonna be in town and perhaps if I had a few days (which I didn't) I could go do to the county court house to have an whats called an injunction done.

It was about this time that we looked up because the front door of the house was opened, and I'll be damned! Her head was sticking out the door with the most evil look I have ever seen on a woman. I walked over and said hi, I'm here to see my son. She looked at me with a level of hate that would scare Satan. Well, I told you that we where not going to be here this weekend. The first thought that came to my mind was DUH? But you are though. I didn't say anything, didn't wanna start no argument or anything. Then she laid into me about bringing “I don't appreciate you bringing these police over here either. I said to myself I'm so glad that they are. Then I asked her can I see my son, and to my amazement she says, well we where about to go shopping for some cloths, are you gonna spend some money to get his school cloths? I'm like I thought you was going to Louisiana? Well, I ain't got time to fool with you, then she got load. This was going down hill fast. At this time the female officer stepped in and said mam mam calm down. We are not here to make you give up your son. We don't have no legal authority to do that, but we are here just out of courtesy requested by your ex-husband.

At this time the male officer motioned for me to come back and just let it go, he pulled me to the side, and said I know you are a reasonable, and rational guy, and just by the steps you took before hand tells me that you are not at fault here, you came along ways to see your child and no man should have to deal with things like this. We have a hard enough time trying to get dads to do what you are trying to do, and that's spend time with their children. He asked me did I have a lawyer that you could see while here. I told him well I sure do. So after knowing I was not gonna see my son and I let that realization sit in I went back to my friends house and told them what happen. Like many of you they could not believe it.

Well, I went to see my lawyer the following Monday morning. Check out part 8 for the conclusion.

Well, Monday morning and off to the lawyers office with all my paperwork. We meet and shock hands and told him of my un-believable weekend. He could not understand how someone can not let their ex-husband/wife not be allowed to see their child. To come from so far away at that. He asked did I have my divorce decree and all paperwork. One of the papers I had was the documents from my HR manager from 6 yrs prior when it was raised from $417.00 a month to $585.00. So he took a moment and looked up at me, then back down to the papers on his desk then said Mr. McFarland let me ask you something. How long have you been paying $585.00? I told him for the last 6 yrs. He looked at me and said you should have only payed that amount for just 6 months..

HUH!! What did you just say. He says when you moved back to North Carolina years ago you must have got behind for about 2-3 months and this was to just catch you up, then you should have went back to $417.00. He pulled out a calculator and ran the numbers. He said I hate to tell you this, but you have overpaid your ex 12,000 plus dollars over the last 6 yrs. He was so shocked all he could do was shake his head. He really felt bad for me..To come half way cross country, being put thru the ringer for years from the gate keeper and denied access to seeing my son. Mr. you don't know the half. So the lesson and the moral to the story is. Read everything, I mean EVERYTHING!

I'm sure I'm not alone with being put thru the ringer for no other reason than just to make someone one else just feel better because they themselves has control issues. Take heed, because this indeed was a lesson learned.

If you don't want to find yourself in a similar situation I advice you to get divorce advice for me.